Self-Rejection to Self-Love
Sometimes I wonder what if we had been taught life hacks at school with algebra and geometry, I mean life hacks to deal with real-life; how to handle an emotional catastrophe, healing, processing emotions and such. We have been raised to lead a life with a flustered mind, with not so adequate tools. And, when we grow up, we scuffle amid what we want and what we are supposed to do. In this hustle of life, we face a lot of complications, rejection and disappointments and it is a natural part of life. The issue is, most of us don’t know how to deal with it and we develop a lot of fears. For instance, when you were younger, you would remember, it was easier for you to take risks as compared to your older self.
Think of a situation when you faced rejection and what did you do to cope with it? Did you ever think that you need to deal with it? Or you wanted help but did not know where to start or whom to ask? Or did you know what you are supposed to do?
Rejection — An Undesirable word but if you put it like this on a broader level — a plan you made for your life that did not go as you premeditated, now it’s easy to hear. Like winning, rejection is also a part of life. The way we embrace positive parts of our life, we need to embrace this as well. It turns into a problem when we run from it and don’t want to deal with it. For some, it is grim, it deviates their life, they live in fear their entire life, if not healed.
I believe reality is a mirror of a person inside you. If you reject yourself often, you will face more rejection in your reality. If you will dismiss your wishes too much, you will get dismissed more in real life.
You feel rejected when other people judge you. You feel unaccepted, you feel you don’t belong in that community or with that person. Just imagine, if you self-judge what is the impact then, your inner self wants acceptance, love and care from you. Your inner self feels rejected, betrayed because you were supposed to take care of it and you disappointed yourself. You failed because you were focused on outside rejections or approvals however, that is out of your control, the only thing you were supposed to do is taking care of your inner self, not abandoning it at any cost.
There are other forms of self-rejection as well — ignoring your feelings altogether, turning to addiction, blaming others etc. Blaming others is a common self-rejection, when you don’t want to take accountability for your life so that when things go south you can immediately blame it on another person. This thing is so addictive that you can do this your entire life not knowing that you are self-sabotaging. A long time back I met a person, as we were getting to know each other, I noticed one common thing in all his life stories, he used to blame everything on his dad. Like, I could not study further because he could not trust me, I cannot start my business because he refuses to find out a place for it, I cannot move abroad because he does not support me and the list goes on, and I could see how he truly believed what he was saying — he did not want to take accountability of his life. Unknowingly self-sabotaging.
To stop self-judgment, you have to stop the judgment of any kind altogether, try this exercise — start with two hours every day and try not to judge anything, anything at all, including yourself and others not even your regular day to day life, make a conscious effort, this would lead to building a habit of non -judgement.
Also, to stop self-rejection, you will have to consciously accept your feelings, you will have to show more love to yourself, no matter what people say, you cannot dismiss your feelings. Every person is unique, their journey is unique and you are allowed to feel the way you’re feeling, you have to accept those feeling which comes naturally to you and not reject yourself. If you have had a traumatic childhood, if somebody told you you’re stupid, ugly & not worth it, if you have faced a lot of rejections in your life, that’s ok, everybody does, even people you think “they have it all together”, it’s your journey, live the way you want to. You are not here to explain yourself to others you are here to love, to be loved and find your true purpose in this life.
According to Healthline below are the ways you can overcome rejection:
Fear of Rejection: 10 Tips for Overcoming It (healthline.com)
- Remember that it happens to everyone
- Validate your feelings
- Look for learning opportunities
- Remind yourself of your worth
- Keep things in perspective
- Figure out what scares you of rejection
- Face your fear
- Reject negative self-talk
- Lean on your support network
- Talk to a professional
